Guest Post By VMeetsWorld
As a foreigner living in Korea for the past two years, I’ve learned to navigate the country of matching couple outfits, couple rings and couple everything. Seriously this country is all about being in a couple.
Here’s some dating advice for straight expats looking to score in the land of the morning calm, or get a first hand Korean culture experience in a less formal setting. This is what it’s like dating in Korea as a foreigner. Disclaimer: I’m not the person to get advice from if you’re looking to get married, let’s say by tomorrow 😉
Dating Apps in Korea
I don’t speak Korean, so I’ll focus on English speaking apps and the apps I’ve used, but there are a million you can choose from! This is a list of my favorite dating apps in Korea, and the ones I’ve had the most success with.
Tinder
Tinder is my favorite choice. Popular in the west, it’s also popular in Korea. To put Tinder simply, just swipe right to chat or left if you aren’t interested and they can’t contact you. This app has the highest volume of English language speakers in Korea, and you can find an array of nationalities.
I live in Daegu, which isn’t exactly a hub for travelers. But there are Koreans, English teachers, American military personnel, and some foreign exchange students in the city looking for a match. People use this app here for a variety of things – for dates, to have a quick night of passion, to find friendships, or for language exchanges. Usually profiles will state what the other person is looking for, but it’s always good to be up front and ask after exchanging pleasantries…”So what are you looking for on Tinder?”
Hello Talk
Hello Talk is something I first heard of when I moved to Korea. It has the joke pseudonym ‘Hello Fuck’, but it’s technically marketed as a language exchange app. You simply state what language(s) you’re fluent in, and then what language you’re interested in learning. The app will match you with people with the opposite language interests as you, so you can find language exchange partners.
I find Hello Talk to be a bit more like social media, but where you try to write statuses or post pictures with captions in your non-native language; then people can comment, correct your status, and follow you.
This app is used by an array of people in all different walks of life. It can be very beneficial to score a few dates or meet some cool people actually interested in a two-sided language exchange. But the downside is that you can’t really filter who can contact you. So at one point or another you will probably be harassed by older men who wants to give you their life story, and beg for a language exchange partner. Thankfully the app has a blocking function – because ain’t nobody have time to be harrassed by weird men looking for a free tutor.
Paktor
This app markets itself as the biggest dating app in Asia. What makes Paktor “special”, is that you have unlimited likes and you can send other users virtual gifts to bait them into talking to you. With this app, you only have 24 hours to message your matches or you will automatically be unmatched. In many ways, this app is similar to Tinder where you swipe right or left, and can only talk to people you are matched with.
With Paktor, there’s a high volume of people messaging you or sending you virtual gifts. In my personal experience, I’ve found that the quality of these matches are meh. I’ve really only ever seen Koreans on this app, and the English level seems low.
This app also overwhelmed me with a high volume of notifications every time I opened it. And I just found that there wasn’t anyone in my area that appealed to me, so I deleted this app after a few weeks. It’s great if you want a quick ego boost with all of the attention this app provides, but I personally didn’t think it was worth my time. I never felt like actually meeting up with anyone I met through Paktor.
Bumble/Hinge
These two apps were just hitting it big back home when I was leaving for Korea, they don’t seem to have quite the same following here yet.
Bumble is nice because it’s in the woman’s control to message first. Your first message with a match must be sent within 24 hours of connecting, or you’ll miss the opportunity to stay matched. Hinge seems to be a more serious dating site where you have to fill out a profile and can filter based on your deal breakers.
I haven’t used either of these apps in Korea due to their lack of popularity, so I have no real experiences to report. The few times I’ve played around on them, I’ve seen mostly travelers on it and I have to set the location preferences pretty far to find anyone decent on my feed. So again, both of these apps are great concepts, just not utilized in Korea quite yet.
Kakao Talk
KakaoTalk is the major messaging app and social media app for Koreans (or anyone living in Korea) – it’s essentially another iMessage or WhatsApp. The reason I mention Kakao Talk is it’s the major way you’re going to communicate with people while in Korea, and plays a major role in the dating scene. Koreans and foreigners living in Korea are quick to ask for your KakaoTalk ID after matching with you on one of the above dating sites. I’ve found most people will request your KakaoTalk ID almost immediately.
It’s a great way to see more personal photos of recent matches as well, since the app allows users to upload cover photos and profile photos. KakaoTalk also makes flirting fun as there are many cute characters and emojis that come with the app, so you can truly express your Korean aegyo (acting cute).
Dating in Korea as a Foreigner
App Etiquette in Korea
Koreans
Generally speaking, it seems that Koreans using these dating apps are primarily looking for a language exchange partner, then serious dating, and lastly friends with benefits. I think many Koreans on these apps are also looking to experiment with a foreigner. Diversity is essentially non-existent in this country, so these apps are a great way to bring many different people together. Hookup culture doesn’t seem to be as prevalent as it is at home (or in other western countries), but it’s also not too hard to find.
In my experience, Korean men are very honest about their intentions and will tell you what they are looking for. This may be because they don’t want to risk any miscommunication, which is super likely to happen with the language barrier and has happened to me on more than one occasion.
Case in point: the one time when I thought my date was trying to force me into a surprise three-way with his professor, when he was actually trying to tell me he had to meet his professor and then he could meet me. Now that was a huge miscommunication!
Foreigners
There are many American military personnel, native English teachers, and expats from other Asian countries living in Korea, who also use these apps. These guys all seem to have similar vibes. But even for those where English isn’t their first language, they’re less likely to be interested in a language exchange and moreso a hook-up, compared to how I’ve found Korean matches. Foreigners here are also less interested in long term relationships, compared to Koreans.
Thankfully, even after navigating through many apps and dates, I’ve experienced no true heartbreak in Korea. Although some tears have been shed for boys who love bombed me, ghosted me, or obited me – the newest dating trend. I’m no saint as I am guilty of doing some of these as well. Just know what you are comfortable with and be honest with yourself and others; and you will make the most out of your dating app experience.
Dating Etiquette with Koreans
So, you’ve matched with a few people. Sent some messages. Exchanged Kakao ID’s and now you’re ready to meet this person in real life. Here are some tips of what to expect when dating in Korea as a foreigner. As with any date or meet and greet, it’s important to feel comfortable with the person you’re meeting, but also to not wait too long before actually meeting in person if dating or a friends with benefit situation is your goal.
Conversation.
A few things you can generally expect on a first date with a Korean. You will always be asked these questions on the date if not before, “Where are you from?”…“Why are you in Korea?”… “How long will you stay in Korea?”… “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”… Sometimes the premature, “Can I be your boyfriend?” but without fail they always ask, “How old are you?”.
Age is still a big part of the Korean culture, it determines the hierarchy of who is the leader at the table.
Drinking.
This plays into the drinking culture. The youngest person should pour the drinks with two hands. The youngest person is always supposed to hide their glass with their hand when they drink as well. I always forget that part, but I can get away with a lot of things as a foreigner.
However one thing is for certain, you always have to drink at the same time. If I pick up my glass to take a drink, my Korean date will often rush mid-bite to drink as well. It’s kind of annoying – especially because I can always out drink the other person – but for the most part Koreans handle their soju well. I find that drinking is a big part of dating here…though full disclosure: I’m from Wisconsin, so I generally avoid dates with people who don’t drink or don’t enjoy drinking.
The bill.
Of course each person has their personal preferences for paying the bill, but typically in Korea the oldest person is responsible for paying. If you’re the oldest and a foreigner, you can get away with saying, “Let’s split the bill”. I’ve found it works well to pay in rounds. Maybe you grab the first round and then they can pay for the next drink, coffee, or dessert order. Koreans are very sympathetic to clueless foreigners who don’t fully understand their cultural norms.
Rounds.
Another cultural observation worth mentioning is that when Koreans go out with friends, it’s typically done in rounds; dinner and drinks, coffee, more drinks, etc. Dates are similar. It’s very typical that your date will want to first meet for dinner, and then maybe a drink, and then another activity, and another. Making alternating paying the bill easier.
The Korean rounds concept is great, because you can change venues and do several different date activities. However this can be annoying when both of you are indecisive and non-planners. Tip: have a back-up plan, secret plan, or be ok asking and answering the question “So, what do you want to do next?” several times throughout your date.
Types of dates
For the most part, dates can be as normal as what I’ve experienced back home. You find a common interest, and decide what you both would like to do when you meet. Here are some of the common dates I’ve been on while living in Korea.
Typical dinner dates.
You both need to eat right? Well one of my favorite first date meals is Korean BBQ. In my opinion, Korean BBQ has all the makings of a perfect first date. Most Korean men will say their favorite food is samgyeopsal (grilled pork belly), so they’ll be satisfied. And it’s so easy for the soju, beer, and hopefully conversation to flow while waiting for the meat to grill. Make sure you ask your date what their favorite ratio of soju to beer (maekju) is, for the perfect somaek blend.
Chicken and beer is also a good bet. Koreans love a good chimaek, which is when you have chicken and beer (maekju). They love it so much they dedicate a week long festival to it in Daegu.
There are also many foreign restaurants in Daegu; so Italian, Mexican (not the greatest selection in Daegu, but you can get your fix at a few places), sushi, Indian, etc. are all possibilities for dates.
I think if you’re branching out and trying to meet Korean singles, you should also take advantage of their local expertise and check out what their favorite Korean foods/restaurants are. Maybe they’ll take you to an awesome hidden gem!
Cafes.
If you or your date want a quicker alternative to dinner, Korean cafes are perfect for chill dates. Everyone here loves being social at cafes, so it’s perfect for those looking for a quick coffee date or dessert break – and who knows, maybe it’ll turn into an 8 hour chatting marathon.
Bowling/movies/romantic strolls/hiking.
This is a pretty stereotypical date you can have anywhere in the world. Who doesn’t love bowling, or catching the latest movie in theatres? I was pleasantly surprised that the majority of movies in Korea are English, but with Korean subtitles. Making movies an easy way to cross the dating language barrier. Also many bowling alleys are UV with pumping EDM music, if you’re looking for a more upbeat vibe.
Something that I hadn’t experienced before coming to Korea, is that with all of the surrounding beautiful mountains, it’s super easy to take a nice hike (or the cable car – Koreans love a good cable car) on a date. It’s also a great way to see Korea’s great spring or fall foliage
Another favorite date activity of mine is taking a stroll and picnic in a nearby park. Fun fact: there are no open container laws in Korea! You can also get food delivered literally anywhere in Korea. You’re in a park? No problem! A delivery driver will track your picnic blanket down and deliver you hot chicken or pizza.
Noraebang (Karaoke).
A new dating experience I’ve encountered in Korea has to be the noraebang. Noraebang translates to song/singing room and let me tell you, Koreans are not shy about singing their hearts out.
Noraebanging usually is a later round on the date, after a few drinks. I think Koreans love noraebangs because it is an intimate room with loud music, and can lead to a lot of sexual tension. Whenever I go to noraebang with a date, it almost always means they are trying to get some, so it’s up to me if I want to take them home or not.
The parents.
The last point I’d like to make about dating in Korea as a foreigner, is that 98% of the time single Koreans still live with their parents. It’s the cultural norm to live at home until marriage. And given the conservative nature of dating and sex here, you’ll always have to entertain them at your own apartment, since obviously the rents’ house would be a big no no.
Those who are studying or working in a new city will probably live outside of their parents’ home, but even then they most likely have dorm rules or a roommate which can make finding a private moment together difficult.
Love motels.
If you’re uncomfortable taking a hook up home with you, consider visiting a love motel. It’s the ultimate Korean/Asian hook up experience, and is what all the young Korean couples do who are looking for some privacy outside of their parents’ watchful gaze. You can actually pay for rooms here on a two-hourly basis – perfect for a lil action.
Dating Etiquette with Non-Koreans
Now the non-Koreans have a pretty similar dating culture to the one back in the West, but since the foreigner population in Korean is mostly military, teachers, students/expats from Asia, and travelers…you just have to know your audience. This will be a much shorter topic as I have less experience with dating foreigners – a girl is trying to make the most out of her Korean experience.
American Military.
Many American military men come to Korea for a year placement at one of the many bases in Korea. It seems like a lot of the young guys are either already married (possibly looking for some side action, it’s not uncommon) or just looking for some fun.
They’re usually pretty new to Korea and inexperienced to the way life works here. Some guys need/want a lot of hand holding when it comes to any activity that requires them to leave base – essentially they want someone who knows the area to show them a good time. Because they live on base which is technically American soil, many newcomers don’t always have Korean cash, know how to take public transport, or speak any Korean. Fair enough! We’re all new at some point! But most American military men I’ve met have generous hearts, boisterous spirits and know how to show you a good time.
Thank you for your service boys!
Native English Teachers.
Next the teacher population. By “native English teachers”, I mean teachers hired by schools typically come from Canada, US, Australia, South Africa, England, New Zealand and Ireland. Most of the teachers I’ve met out here are looking to make the most of their Korean experience as well, but you never know who’s going to tickle your fancy.
I honestly don’t have much to report on this topic. But, if you match with a westerner, they are most likely in the American military or they are a native English teacher. It’s usually pretty easy to tell the difference. And if you’re a westerner living in Korea, you probably already have experience dating other westerners and don’t need me to give you any advice there 😉
Other Expats/Immigrants.
If you’re a foreigner living in Korea and you’re not an English teacher or in the American military, you’re most likely an immigrant or expat from a surrounding Asian country, living in Korea for work. Or you may even be a student studying abroad here – although these matches are rare.
I’ve met some of the sweetest expats from other Asian countries / the Middle East. I have limited experience dating them, but I can tell there is a cultural difference when it comes to dating and showing affection. Just as with anyone, taking the time to talk and getting to know them, is a great way to experience a new culture and put yourself out there!
Since Korea is a pretty homogeneous country that severely lacks diversity, it’s not uncommon for foreigners with darker skin to face some discrimination in Korea. I’ve gone on a few dates with people who have their own personal experiences of racism here, which is pretty disheartening. I think as the generations change and more and more immigrants are moving to Korea, things are slowly changing – especially with young adults.
But the fact that there aren’t even any anti-discrimination laws in Korea against race, really shines a light into how fast the demographics of Korean society have changed, yet how slow mindsets have adapted.
Travelers in Korea.
Then the last category is travelers in Korea. I have no experience with this group because I assume they are looking for a one night stand, a tour guide, or both…but I know from other people’s experience that you can meet some great people if you want to make the effort to stay connected after they leave, or are ok with a one time encounter.
I personally am not motivated by only technological communication after meeting someone, and I am not a good tour guide, so I have not expanded my experience with this group. But give it a shot, because the hotties are usually open to more things when they are on vacation!
There you have it. I am by no means a serial dater or an expert at finding love. But, I have enjoyed my time meeting new people and learning about new cultures in my time in Korea. Living abroad and dating as expat has given me more time to meet new people, and a larger dating pool then I ever had in Wisconsin.
Please take all of my experiences and observations of dating in Korea as a foreigner with a grain of salt – of course everyone and every date is different. I hope you enjoy living the single life and looking for love while exploring Korea!
Thanks for reading! Please comment with your own relative dating experience or any questions below!
Author
V is an expat currently living in South Korea and she’s been here for the past two years. This is her first time living abroad and to make the most of it she spends a lot of her free time learning about Korean culture through dating. She is by no means a love expert, and when asked about her love life she likes to say, “Never a bride, always the bachelorette party planner.”
